Our other daughter never has taken a drug works in the medical field, been to college and it a wonderful mom. They are like Cain and Able. He says he does but his actions say something else. I wish that we could have her committed because what she is doing is crazy. We just have no answers, I am afraid that he is going to kill her. We jusy keep praying and believing.. Thank God l read your story.
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I am in the same situation. Every time I eat l think of my daughter. She has cut communication and l have no access to her as she has blocked me. I pray for her every night and hope God will heal my pain and tears. Hugs to you Elsa. I hope you are feeling stronger. As I look back over the last 10 years and watched our incredible kind, smart only son go from bad to worse, I too felt my heart beat out of my chest. Seeing him use heroin, meth, crack, alcohol and opiods took my breath away.
Two great rehabs, one-on-one counseling for over a year every week, meetings, classes and intensive in-patient and out-patient and still, the drugs continue to seize him like the claws of a monster. With that being said I am now OK with his horrible decisions. He understands no matter what he does, we will always love him…not his decisions, but love his being and the person he could still become. NEVER give up hope!! Hope is free and never-ending. I hope perhaps you can find support from group therapy, free Nar-anon meetings and other understanding people.
You have not failed!! Your family loves you and needs you now. Let your daughter make her choices. They are not your choices. She knows you love her. Move on and make a wonderful path for your son and yourself!!! I was just reading the comments. Yours really struck home with me. My daughter is 30 years old and a year into using crystal meth.
Her mind has deteriorated so bad in the last few months. Hears voices, paranoid, wanders. My beautiful, smart articulate daughter……. All over a man! Like you, I am worried that she is going to die. Im finding help for me and her, but Im curious as to what happened with your daughter, as its two years later? I hope good news. When we as parents of addicted daughters and sons ask for help it is not about us.! We are asking for help for our kids. Tab and leave her boyfriend there I realized that the police are not there to help.
They might want to because they see the situation but unless it deals w law what can they do. The other one says she jus does it for fun sometimes I jus want my girls back! My biggest fear is losing one of them. Hi Cheryl, Thank you for your comment. We wanted to reach out and give you some resources that can help if you are feeling severe anxiety.
First, if you are in crisis, or are in danger of harming yourself, it is very important that you seek immediate assistance. You can call your local law enforcement agency in the US or visit your local hospital emergency room for help. In addition, if you would like to look for a therapist that can help with the experiences you mention, you can search the GoodTherapy.
I completely understand how you are feeling. My son has also been a heroin addict. My anxiety has gone through the roof with him, you love them so much but honestly through my years of going through this with him there was not one thing I could do, they have to want to get help.. We cant control whats out of our control. Please take care of yourself through this.
My daughter is 40 she works in a prison as a RN over the last 8yrs she has a angry hatefull person in my 2nd. Hi Cheryl, I was going to post the exact same story as you, but insert my 19 year old Daughter. My Daughter started smoking pills, and has graduated to heroin. She and I have been extremely close her whole life until 5 months ago. She spends every day lying, manipulating, and hurting herself sinking deeper and deeper.
I have a 17 year old Daughter also. My 19 year old has started making up stories about me and telling my little one im crazy. She needs the little one to believe that I make up the stories about her doing heroin so nobody else suspects her. I too, have lived my life for my girls. All I ever wanted was to have a daughter and I was blessed with 2! My 19 year old who looked at me as her hero and who was the most loving and loyal daughter ever, now acts like disgusting.
She is always rude to me, takes from me, and tries to turn others against me. Well just to let you all know i been talking to my daughter for a whole week and have seen my 2 granddaughter s its about 2 in a half years it felt so. Right now only because she is in jail with a bond 1st 2nd on a 20, bond.
You know ladys we do what we do because we are there mother and we LOVE them and we will always be there no matter what. Cause love will conker all. Yet, parents know their children better than anyone and are often in a position to intervene and stop the destructive cycle their child is in. She recently agreed to see a therapist, had a couple of sessions and then missed the last two.
I assured her that we were not seeking to get info about the content of their sessions but it was only for us to share with her some valuable history and background information which she should know. We felt that, at the very least, we could share our perspective since our daughter had a history of holding back information with other therapists and never made progress in therapy.
I kindly said to the therapist that our daughter most likely speaks about us in her sessions my daughter said she did and we were never asked permission for our daughter to talk about US. Now would you not think that getting the perspective from other family members would be considered important when trying to understand how best to help a patient?? THAT I believe, is yet another elephant in the room! Our hands remain tied in helping her, with the exception of throwing her out on the streets, which we are not ready to do. And how does throwing them out of the house to live on the streets benefit them if they are not being treated for a substance abuse problem or mental illness?
Here is how it feels to me: my child is dangerously hanging on to the edge of a cliff. You are correct. My daughter who is 40 just spent 25 days in rehab for heroin, 2 days later she overdosed and is still using after being saved from her od. There is nothing left to do. I just wonder how to cope with my own emotions. My daughter is an addict she is I discovered it this past Christmas day. I caught her in her room smoking about two months ago and just turned around and walked out…started crying.. She came in my office and said she needed help to go to detox.
She got fired from her job I think from stealing and now she steals from me. I am beyond knowing what to do. I find a hoot here…a little zippy there…not searching they just fall out of things when I clean house. Still denies that she is using. Her dad thinks she is clean, her best friend, and her brother…she is hiding it well — she lives with me…all my valuables are locked up…I keep a key on me as I go running or leave the house…now I am thinking of putting dead bolts on my office door and my bedroom door…This is killing me. I am all alone. What a way to live. Sad and so unfair. My daughter too.
I know your pain. This week while she and other addicts living in the home, a friend died. This was a eye opener for me. Hi cindy my daughter started using solvents age 12 now at 33 she is an addict using heroin on a regular basis although she denies this as she denies everything if her lips are moving she is lying …such is the illness of addiction …I have honestly tried everything and had a breakdown …The illness of addiction is like a cancer spreading the illness to all of the family and whoever lives they touch … For me I had to recognise my daughter was gravely ill and I had to step back because my girl was not a bad person trying to be good but a sick person who had to get better ….
I went to family anonymous which was a life saver for myself … As of today I have been bringing up my daughters 3 year old daughter who was a miracle …my other daughter and 21 year old other granddaughter have not spoken to me for years ….
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And so I wait…. I know how you must be feeling. My daughter is 39 She has a meth addiction this has gone on for years Ever since she was 20 years old. She has two daughters one age 18 and a 2 year old. The 18 year old has a 5 month old son who has medical problems and is in state custody as she uses drugs too. I have guardianship of the 2 year old until next court date. My daughter has been to rehab 3 times she always leaves.
My granddaughter has been in rehab once which did not help her. She has heart failure from the meth and is on many cardiac medications. This is only a brief summary. To tell it all would take me writing a book.
I am totally burned out from all the events I have been thru. I have tried so hard to be a good mother and I feel I have failed. They get involved with the loser type guys, and my daughter I have lost my loving feelings for her. She talks bad about me to people and comes home begging. If I give in and let her stay she lays in bed crashing for a few days trashes the house, has no respect for herself.
I am not letting her stay anymore I worry about her and my granddaughter constantly but I feel helpless. They must want to get help, they just want to party as my granddaughter calles it. I feel Hopeless about the situation. So very hard I totally understand. I have watched my eldest child 35 year old daughter basically ruin her life over her addiction.
The pain is real but I have learned that I must let her go and allow her to live her life and deal with her outcomes. See we all have that right as humans. My faith in God keep me grounded but again the pain is real. I want to encourage you to find support through the the church, find a recovery group for you and life out your life and destiny. You are special and worthy of a full and peaceful life. We have to let them go. I pray all the time for my girl and hold on to the hope that today she will make a better choice.
God bless you my sister. Christine C, your post really touch me. I had a son die of a drug overdose and now my daughter is addicted to meth and I am certain she suffers from mental illness. I am trying to get temporary custody of my grandchild. Is there any way that you can contact me via email?
I know that I have to go on living and I want to use my pain to one day help others like you have. Ladies, Never give up hope, but be true to yourselves. This drug crack,meth,ice or whatever it is, it is the drug from the scum of the earth. That as well means consequences they have to accept. We have to do tuff love act. We placed a keypad entrance to our bedroom where we have stored all of our keys for the house, cars, etc , as well as to our to two other rooms where we keep sensitive information filing cabinets with credit card info, etc.
I feel like our home has become Fort Knox! If I leave my bedroom door open even for a minute, she is in the vanity area borrowing makeup, etc. Constant heartbreak and sadness for her dad and me. My husband and I just returned from an extended vacation first time in 10 years and we would not allow her to stay in our home in our absence. It feels so, so helpless:. We have been struggling with our adult daughter for the past 8 months.
In and out of rehab and halfway houses. She is good for awhile, but relapses. Seeing them totally out of it, and ending up in emergency room, they look so sad and helpless…but the truth of the matter is WE are the ones who are helpless. THEY are the only ones. Until they do, they go thru hell along with everyone else around them. Sooner or later you have to get tough and learn the word NO. Have you ever gone to Naranon meetings? They are a support group. They not only are a safe ground for you to vent your feelings for all that you are going thru…but may even offer some good sound advice.
I have finally done this after our long 8 months that seems to be getting only worse. Thanks to all those who have commented. Do not be alone with this. It happens more often than you realize. Thanks to all those who read and comment on this blog. Kindest good wishes to all. We have tried everything even tough love , nothing has worked so far we just get accused of not being supportive …it just goes on and on with no end in sight … Last resort open to us is cutting off all contact.
How did this work out for you? My daughter is 23 and we have been going through this for 12 years. It means locking up our bags at night and locking up everything else too. Just want to know if your horror has ended?
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I too have a 31 years old daughter that is a drug user. She has a 3 years old daughter that my husband and I are raising because of my ex son in law working hours. My daughter have been in detox, rehab and sober living many times. She has now reached a new low when m6 exhusband over heard her talking about doing sexual favors on the phone. My exhusband provides her with a place to live and food. Last week she bang on my 90 year old mother door asking her for money. Some of my family members think I should be doing more for her because I have walked away due to the fact that a year ago I had a terrible anxiety attack.
I think we ate doing what we are supposed to be doing by taking care of my grandaughter which is a big task for a 60 and 70 years old couple. However, I still feel guilty that I have walked away from my daughter. This is what we mean by family disease. Do you have any resources in your area to get some support? You might even want to seek out counseling, either with a professional or even via a sliding-scale clinic at an institute or university, depending on where you live. Thank you for writing. I have a daughter who has been addicted to drugs for the past 6 years, she is 25 now.
Hanging around with people on drugs. She said all the right things, manipulated us so much. She has never hit rock bottom as I have always been there. She is adamant she is not on drugs but then she always has been even when we find her with them. I have not found anyone I can talk to about this and feel all alone. Hi Nicola. Thanks to you and others for your feedback.
Sounds like a very painful ordeal you and your family are enduring. I highly suggest participating individual or family counseling, as well as al anon meetings at the least, for some support. Addiction is brutal and affects the whole family. I do hope you and your daughter find the help needed sooner rather than later.
I feel exactly the same way as you. Crisis care has a very long waiting list for any help. I have custody of 3. I cant talk to anyone in the family because they Judge. I actually came across this website because I am searching on what I can do. Heroin as far as I know has been just the past few months especially after my son in law lost his Life to it. For instance my daughter needs drug addiction, depression, mental etc.. HOW do I search for someone for all?? Dayton Ohio area. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from a.
Pacific Time; our phone number is ext. All of this sounds so familiar. My 32 yr old daughter and 2 young children moved in with my husband and me year ago. This was to get on her feet. In that time she got arrested for possessing drugs and had 3 felonies. This was her first offense and we paid for an attorney. She went to rehab one month each and back to the same old behavior. She moved out with the children and I was beside myself calling anyone that would listen. She knows the children are what she can hold over us.
Her ex took her back to court and now has the kids. I am relieved that they are safe. She is living with someone who is just as erratic as she is. Has blaming me for loss of her kids. Calling my work and making up lies…. She needs to go away to a long term to be evaluated for drugs and mental help and no one not her probation officer, court order counselor is taking this before the judge.
My daughter will be 23 tomorrow and she is a drug addict. She had been clean and 2 months. Away from getting her son back. The father has him. Her father and I are woried sick about her she says she is in the parc unit. I know for a fact she is not there. I Have night mares of finding her with a niddle in her arm.
I guess my point Is I have been to meetings I stop giving her money and bailing her out of everything….. Now we dont no were she is What is worse not knowing or watching her do this to her self. I totally understand what you are giong thru. Reading these comments is chilling. They have both lost their children to foster care and one to the other grandparents. I have been betrayed and manipulated and used. My marriage has suffered because I keep trying to help them. My husband gets mad if I cry and talk about them. Now we watch as our 16 year old son is slipping into the substance black hole and we our starting to lose another one.
My 28yr. She is always cussing and trying to argue with me, if I say anything negative about the fact that she is using drugs, I think she is drinking too. The saddest part is she has my 2 and a half year old Grandaughter. I had to have her removed from my home because she pulled a knife on me and my boyfriend and threatened to stab us to death. I could go on and on, but it is just too painful. I wanted to update on this thread because of how important it is share some hope.
The best thing I could do for myself was get a support group and take care of me. I prayed alot, read inspirational books with daily uplifting messages, kept telling my girls I love them, and got busy helping some other girls at a sober living house. Taking them to meetings and listening to their stories and giving them hugs helped fill that void. They have taught me alot. She gave me strength and hope for my own daughters and became friends with my younger daughter months later.
Jail for 90 days and the vivitrol shot with 4 days a week counseling is gotten my youngest girl sober- she is getting visits every week with her 2 year old and by June should be getting her home. My oldest had a total mental breakdown from a combination of bad things and we went to her apartment and saw her mind was gone that night. That was so scary to see her totally out of touch with reality…her so called boyfriend didnt bother calling so we did. I believe we saved her life that day. She spent weeks in the mental hospital and was given a diagnosis of schizophrenia and medication.
Had we not brought her home she would be in a homeless shelter. Thank goodness the boyfriend is in jail and we cleared out her apartment. Unfortunately most of these sober living houses do not accept people who need meds so we are now in limbo on where she can go from here. I cant bring a 2 year old home until I find a place for my older daughter to go. My oldest told me she is struggling because she misses her kids and doesnt know how to put her life back together. I just give her encouragement that they her kids are fine and will at least get a chance to see her one day as long she continues to stay clean.
She does not deny that drugs brought her that comfort of numbing everything but I keep reminding her that the pain has to be enough that she wants to make the changes to get her where she wants to be in life. She is lucky to be alive. Her neighbors at her old apartment overdosed and left behind 3 small children. Its so sad. She gets a chance they will never have. I believe prayers have helped alot. I dont know whats to come but at least I have God and alot of people to help me through whatever happens, and my girls do too.
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May all of you find some sort of peace with what your going through. I am grateful today and I will pray as I do every day for all the sick and suffering still out there. ODd several times and has POS boyfriends who mooch off her and beat her. We get calls about her constantly and the last OD last week she almost died. She was high 30 min after discharge. She is near end stage liver failure, has endocarditis and valve deterioration so we are going to lose her soon. I had a major breakdown and dealing with chronic major depression. I just feel sick. I feel your pain and pray as u do for God to takemher so she has peace.
Guilty for that yes.. I am sorry for your struggle with your daughter. Only difference, I have two daughters 22 and 25 and both have put our family through the same things. I know you posted quite some time ago but I was moved by your story since I can relate. I pray every day that the answers come for all of us.
My daughter is in hospital with endocartitis and liver issues. I am so very sorry for the heart felt pain pounded into your soul every day, every hour, every minute and every second…and it is your own loved one from your own body that is holding the invisible hammer.
You will eventually find an escape route from the invisible hammer…it is only you that can make a change within yourself…not your addicted daughter. She has made her own choices…its time to make yours now. Al anon will slowly layer your being with strength and healing powers. You will feel strong again. It should not be your own life in jeopardy. Forgiving and then letting go is OK. It may be your saving grace. My daughter has abused Soma, Vicodin, Xanax and pot.
We exhausted every avenue possible trying to find a place for her. Finally MHMR visited with her they would not tell us anything that was said…. HIPPA laws. We took her home, her telling us they were going to call her for rehab that day. She sat on the bed with bags packed for 5 days and no phone call. She has been in and out of jail, arrested again yesterday for DUI Xanax and let out of jail again last night. I have searched everywhere for help and it costs a fortune…. I just found out she is doctor-shopping and has been taking Xanax and Soma Soma was filled Aug.
Soma was filled on July 23 and was also empty by the 17th of August, plus she is smoking pot. My daughter is displaying extreme anger, confusion, irritability, paranoia, nervousness, forgetfulness, dilated pupils, forgets to eat, drinks nothing but soda pop and coffee and is constantly holding her stomach. Are there any alternatives for treatment that the government or state will cover? The laws need to be changed so that those suffering from drug addiction and mental illness can get the help they need. Anyway there is a lot of free help out there like NA, narcotics anonymous and AA which all run free support groups everywhere in the world.
The main thing I want to tell you is to take care you and your health, we are the most important person in our lives. Only then can you make sense of the whole mess. Remember some cares, and my heart goes out to every person suffering from alcohol and substance abuse.
Hello, I would suggest a faith-based program. Many are no cost and they often have a higher effective rate than others. Teen Challenge and Salvation Army are two organizations that offer residential treatment. There is also an excellent book for you that has helped me on Amazon. Where I live. Praying for you, Debbie. Thanks all of you for your input. I would agree you may have to try different approaches, or a few different meetings in al-anon if al-anon is one of those approaches.
Nothing is one size fits all and sometimes it takes time to acclimate. If you do try a support group or step program, give it a few tries before deciding. Dealing with drug addiction is a lonely road. So important to find people you can share with. Alanon is a great group.
So many.. Try another.. It has changed my life… I was not living my life before Alanon.. Now after 4 years I am enjoying my life! And still loving my Loved one. I have learned ways to be around the addict.. And not get sucked under.. If I could do it anyone can!
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My daughter is 30 and she just kicked out of rehab. She has lied, stolen, and begged us for money. I said no. Im afraid she will do heroine again. She cries she is in pain. I look at myself and wonder where did we go wrong with this girl of ours. I feel like a failure as a mother. Allie you are not a failure and you did nothing wrong.
Once you realize this you can begin your own recovery. Drug users are master manipulators and will bring you down at all costs. The fussiest of our three children, but so darn cute she got away with it. An abstract thinker who wondered who would take care of her if something happened to me and why we used Heinz ketchup but not Heinz mustard. I started really worrying in elementary school. Her friends were all girls. She grew her hair long and loved jewelry. She was plagued by migraine type headaches and tummy issues. By 4th grade she was being bullied. She cried when her favorite American Idol got voted off.
High school terrified me. She would join kids from 5 towns for high school. She found friends that loved her. She excelled in school and the violin. Still, it was a time of great sadness and terrifying as a parent. We faced depression, eating problems, anxiety, and frightening health issues. Suicide was always on our minds. We were fortunate. She knew who to reach out to for help when she needed it. We had a lifelong pediatrician who found us the right help. A therapist who worked closely was our turning point, diagnosing our child with body dysphoria.
I was again terrified. How can she not see how beautiful she is? She hated everything about herself, everything. She finally had a breakthrough. I said okay.
This was a turning point in our journey, but she was still not okay. Six months later, she came to me again. The answer, of course, was no. Fear is a powerful force; it made me avoid things. Fear makes good people act poorly and some fears can close down the minds of the people you love and respect. One day I received an email from an old friend that I had worked with many years ago. Chip is a good catholic, a conservative man who values hard work, god and country. He also values friendship, neighbors and volunteering. I thought he would have a hard time understanding my world, but I was wrong.
He listened closely and then said he was very proud of me for doing what was right for my children. He also reminded me that most of our real friends are our friends because we have similar values. After talking to Chip I made up my mind to reach out to family and friends and I hoped by sharing they would want to learn more. The first letter was to a past coworker. He works in the petrochemical industry in Texas. I was not sure he was ready to hear our story, it was a big test, but I was hopeful for a positive outcome.
I have been delinquent in keeping in touch with you because our family has been on a unique journey. A few years ago I would not have had the emotional strength or wisdom to write this letter. I hope that I can enlighten you a bit regarding our journey to help you understand and hopefully remain our good friend.
You are the first to get this letter, others will follow and I expect some to be uncomfortable and be removed from our Christmas list. I have no other way to start but tell you that our son is now Nicole, our beautiful daughter. It has been a long and sometimes painful journey, one that some may never understand. I do not expect all of our friends to grasp the reality of what I am describing right away, but I am hopeful most will want to learn more.
You know my background and how difficult this journey might have been for me. As you read this, please remember that just like you, I have always focused on raising happy, healthy and productive children and that is what we are still doing. In the beginning we knew very little about transgender youth and little research existed to help us.
For the most part we were on our own. We learned that the most important thing we had to do was really listen to Nicole and find professional help to make sure she grew safely. We have learned that not allowing her to be whom she needed to be was harmful. We have also faced a great deal of adversity. Throughout the ordeal we have tried to remain strong.
There is much more to tell but it will require a few cold beers. We live in a new town and the kids live in hiding, going to school each day wondering what might happen next.